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JHaley's News

(Huh, my last post got two spammers within five minutes! That's a record for me if ever I've seen one!)

Back on topic, Thanksgiving is coming up. My girlfriend's cousin, Chris, has a week off for Thanksgiving break. And, as always, I am left to prepare everything.

Here's just a short list of the things I need to do for Thanksgiving:

1. get the turkey
2. get sodas and other beverages
3. clean the house
4. make things look "Fall-y" enough for everybody
5. cook the turkey
6. make mashed potatoes
7. make salad
8. make stuffin'
9. stuff turkey
10. turn the channel to football
11. set up video game consoles (my friends and I do LAN parties every holiday gathering we have.)
12. remove Ryu's freakin' cat from the lasagna dish
13. make lasagna
14. remove Ryu's freakin' cat from the batter bowl
15. make pumpkin pie
16. remove Leif's freakin' dog from the bathroom
17. clean bathroom

The list goes on and on and on, so I won't put anymore than that.

On another note entirely: the kids who were whining about me not liking Call of Duty have gone strangely silent. Does the fact that I don't care absolutely dumbfound them, or are they busy BAAAAAAAAWWWWW-ing about it to their online buddies?

Dumbass gets tazed, bro.

2009-11-17 19:23:11 by JHaley

/* */
I was so waiting to see this. XD

New Moon? Smells Like Crap To Me.

2009-11-16 19:18:31 by JHaley

So, the new Twilight movie (New Moon, if you didn't know) is coming out soon.

REALLY soon.

And already, I'm starting to get emails asking whether or not I'm going to go see it.

"Dear Jason,

The New Moon movie has a midnight showing on Friday! Wanna' come see it with me? *chuuu*"

No. Especially not, since you just CHUUU'D at me.

"Edward iz sooooo hawt!"

Whoop-dee-doo. Learn to spell, and maybe I'll give a damn.

"Who's team are you on?"

Team Tyler's Van, because had Edward not fucked everything up, Twilight wouldn't exist. One less evil from the world.

"Do you like Twilight? It's totally awesome! You totally need to read it!"

No. I do not like that piss-poor excuse of a book that I burn on a daily basis for warmth. I will NEVER read it.

This is only a small example of the crap I'm getting.

Stephanie Meyer? Fuck you, anally.

Dickin' around leads to pain...

2009-11-14 22:46:57 by JHaley

I've got nothing better to do...

A six pack of beer...

A half-melted copy of CoD MW 2...

And my buddy Leif is sitting right next to me...

What to do...

I'll let Leif decide this one.

Let's just dick around.

Good idea!


So, while playing around with Halo 3: ODST (Yes, I was playing it), Leif comes up with this ingenious idea: Why not try and play two video games at the same time, on the same console?

Obviously, I asked how much crack he was on, and if he was insane.

The answers, respectively, were none, and no.

So, we tried it.

And we blew up my 360 in the process.

Now Leif owes me a new 360, a new Halo 3: ODST video game, a new Kengo: Legend of the Nine video game, a new memory card, and a new account with Bungie.

Fuck you, Leif. Fuck you with a fork.


(wrench pwns u)

Dickin' around leads to pain...

Just to note, I'ma hold off on the RP thing for a bit, until we get it up and going again. You'd probably be amazed at how little progress we've made in it.

So, on another note altogether, I got myself a copy of MW2. And so far, I really don't like it. Don't get me wrong, there were some games in the CoD series that did actually grab my attention for more than a minute, mind you, I'm not saying I like them, but this one just pisses me off. If they were trying for a better CoD game, they failed miserably, in my honest-to-god opinion.

That's all I've got for today. Later.

Yet moar RP

2009-11-07 03:49:05 by JHaley

This came later than I expected to put it off, but here's the next part of the RP. Oh, and before I begin, the main characters weren't just me, Bryce, Leif and Salem, there were some other guys who acted as "swap-able characters". You'll meet a couple here.


When we last left our heroes, Jason foolishly took my advice and decided to fight the big evil demon thing.

Currently, we are on round 200, and the statistics are as follows:

Demon HP: 3798 / 4000

Jason HP: 50% (You got lucky, that one shot should have killed you)
Bryce HP: 97% (Due to all his armor)
Leif HP: 100% (Due to high dexterity and stamina)
Salem HP: 0% (He got pwn't in round 1.)

Healing items left: 45 / 100

--Man! This boss fight is worse than that one somewhere in Nevada!

Why do you continue to bring up the fight against Hank?


Whatever. Continuing the fight:

Jason attacks!

For 1000 damage!


Lucky shot.

Bryce attacks!

And misses!

Leif attacks!

For 200 damage!

--Thank god for small favors.

Yes, but you should heal Salem soon. You know... before your turn is over?

--Oh, shit!

Jason uses Heal-Teria (Wait, you use materia?) on Salem!

Salem gains 50% HP!

Salem attacks!

For 1000 damage!

--Revenge of the fallen, ftw.

No kidding.

Demon attacks!

And misses!

Jason counterattacks!

For 1000 damage!

--Good grief, this guy's not as tough as I was thinking he would be.

He's the first boss of the game, he's supposed to be a pushover. This IS in RPG format, you know.

--Ah. Touche.

Now then!

Bryce attacks!

For 1000 damage!

Boss defeated!

Party gains lewtz!

Jason gains level!

Bryce gains level!

Leif gains level!

Salem gains level!


Yes, Jason. W00tles.

--So, now what?

Jason and crew, having freed the village from oppression by the dark forces of the big evil guy in charge of this whole mess who is so obvious an enemy that one must wonder how he escaped the public eye for so long, bid the villagers adieu and leave to venture to new lands, but end up in a really tall grass field filled with FROG-


Sorry, copyright issues. We'll call them VALKYRIE soldiers, which are this story's version of FROG soldiers. The field is filled with them, and they're like robotic ninjas, so it is well advised that you either snatch their suits, or fight them when they catch you, or try and be sneaky

--Their suits turn to stone when they die.

Scratch that, then.

--And they have heat sensors in their helmet visors.


--And we're not sneaky worth a DAMN.

So... you'll be doing some fighting, then. But! Luckily for you, you come across a new member!


Name: Max
Age: 18
Gender: M
Class: Demoguy

Welcome, Demoguy Max!


Max has been accepted into your team, and he hands the team each spare weapons that he isn't using. He appears to be a fan of the big rocket launcher weapons, reserving a retail Spartan Laser for his own purposes.

Slowly, your team moves through the tall grass, until you come across a group of VALKYRIE soldiers. Max pulls and holds the trigger, charging the laser. Then, as soon as one VALKYRIE is near, he pops up and screams, "I'MA FIRIN' MAH LAZAHR!!!", and blasts the soldier in the face.

This fight shall be continued.

(Pic unrelated, I thought it was kinda' cute.)

Yet moar RP

Moar RP

2009-11-02 23:34:36 by JHaley

Even more RP.


So, skipping past all the unnecessary leveling, your party is now a combined level of 45.


And the demon is level 1000.

--Son of a bitch.

Yes, I know, it's quite discouraging that you can only go to level 99.


Now now, would you rather be level 1 forever?


Now then, shall we continue?

Your mechanic is currently gathering items for better weapons and equipment, even though your current load out is the perfect gear up until three towns from now. Your sniper keeps taking random pot shots at the demon, maybe attempting to kill it with head shots, and keeps getting throttled because of it. Not a pretty sight. Your ninja is busily looting the townsfolk. What are you doing?

--Planning my next move towards the big evil dude.

Did you know that level 45 is actually the prime level to kill that demon thing, if properly equipped?

--And you waited to tell me this because...?

Suspense, of course.

--You suck.

Sticks and stones, Jason. Sticks and stones.

So, what will you do?

--Fight the big evil demon dude, I guess.

Good choice!


Big Evil Demon Boss
HP: ???
MP: ???
Special: Insta-pwn
Lewtz: 4,000 monies

--Aw, hell.

Oh, come now, sport! You can do it!

In the next installment!

(PS: Current uniforms for the team look something like this pic)

Moar RP

More RP.

2009-10-30 23:36:15 by JHaley

Your party comes across another town.

--Enter town

You can't enter town.

--Why the hell not?!

The gates have been sealed by the dark forces of evil, and a big evil demon with a gigantic axe tied up with chicken wire and the heads of dead warriors guards the gate. He looks at you with malicious intent in his eyes.


--Fine, kill demon, THEN enter town.

You can't kill demon.


It's immortal

--Aw, what the FUCK?

But it can die still.


To kill this demon, you will need to find:

(2) bombs
(3) shotguns
(500) holy bullets
(1000) willing compatriots
(2,000,000) evil wizards -

--Couldn't I just go through the hole in the wall right next to him?

Oh. Yes, I... guess that works too.

You enter the town via a conveniently placed hole in the wall (Damn cheaters). What do you do?

--Send team to ask locals about current situations

Jason releases his team into the wild, armed only with their weapons, and questions about whatever the hell is going on here. I would imagine that would include the demon thing.


Well, we'll just gloss over that then.

Bryce asks an elderly woman, who tells him: "Them damn kids and their magic tricks done summoned a damn hole in my cabbage patch! Next thing I know, a big ol' sucker wit' a freakin' AXE comes ragin' through town! Now I can't get mah groceries!"


Leif asks a former soldier, who gives him a complete layout of the situation using military terms and drawing up several maps. Leif finally dies from a major headache. Salem is forced to respawn him.


Salem asks a teenager, who, after smoking from his bong, relays the entire story, and how he saw the whole thing, and how it was a bunch of evil wizards.

--That's not only the most useful piece of information in this town...

Jason asks a five year old. And that five year old says his daddy was part of that cult, and that he was "going to work, don't expect me back until sundown".

--What. The. FUCK.

Yes, Jason. WTF indeed.

Your party books a room in the nearby hotel and decides to plan a BIG HUGE ADVENTURE, ZOMG!!! Then you realize that three of you are military personnel, therefore, because RPGs hate you, you're somehow very weak and pathetic, and the fourth one is a ninja, therefore really fast, but retardedly easy to kill.

Might be a good time to gain a couple levels, hm?

--Training room

Jason activates the Animus with his mind and brings up a simulated training room for each of you to train in.

HP: ???
MP: ???
Lewts: 999 monies

Jason attacks!

For 200 damage!

Training Dummy dies!

Party gains lewts!

Jason gains level!

This is the simplest combat system in the world!

CHALLENGE TWO: Training Drone
HP: ???
MP: ???
Lewts: Potion

Bryce attacks!

For 455 damage!

Training Drone dies!

Party gains lewts!

Bryce gains level!

To be continued!!!


(Pic unrelated. I just thought it looked cool.)

More RP.

Fooling around with an RP

2009-10-30 00:12:05 by JHaley

A running RP I have going with Salem, Leif, and Emmet (Bryce. I always call him by his last name). Not sure what to call it, but we fool around with it in our spare time.


Create character!

Age: 19
Gender: M
Class: Assassin

Welcome, Assassin Jason!


Create character!

Name: LEIF
Age: 18
Gender: M
Class: Sniper

Welcome, Sniper Leif!


Create character!

Age: 18
Gender: M
Class: Mechanic

Welcome, Mechanic Bryce!


Form your team!

Leader: Jason
Vice-Captain: Leif
Crew: Bryce


Commander in chief: Jason, Leif
Medical Assistance: Bryce, Leif
Sniper: Leif, Jason
Mechanic: Bryce, duh.
Spy: Jason
Communications: Bryce
Zombie-Slayer-ifier: All
Walking Tank: Bryce (He's wearing all the armor. And not giving any to us.)
Chef: Jason
Shoop Whooper: Leif


Your team arrives at a small village. In this small village is a hospital, a restaurant, a hotel, a car shop, a gun shop, a bank, a grocery and general supplies store, and a church. What do you do?

--Jason has team split up and gather supplies.

Jason's team goes to gather supplies while Jason books a room at the hotel. Then Jason goes and checks out the car shop for a bit, drooling over a Harley Davidson.

Bryce spends 1000 monies on potions, ethers, foods, and medical backpacks.

Leif spends 3000 monies on weapons, then goes and eats dinner for 54 monies.

Jason spends 10,000 monies on cheap motorcycles and fashions supply baskets out of some wires, then drapes baskets over the seats of each bike.

Leif doesn't like the food and promptly shoop-whoops the restaurant. Civilians loose -9999 HP.

Bryce gets hit by a car and is forced to use a Medical Backpack to recover his lost 2500 HP.

--Wait, there's cars here?!

Yes, Jason. There are cars here.


Shall we return to the plot?

--Yes, please.

Jason returns to the plot to see Bryce crawling through the streets with a black eye, several bruises, and mangled legs. Meanwhile, Leif jogs by with several police cars, three ambulances, and fifty helicopters trailing him. Maybe even a fire truck. The fire truck runs over Bryce. Again.

--Jump time: 5 hours

Jason does the Time Warp for five hours (That's longer than a Rocky Horror Picture Film gathering!) and lands in the hotel room, with Bryce in a full body cast, and Leif in a spit guard and restraint chair, surrounded by fifty guards. Some of them are from the Rainbow Six video games.

--Heal Bryce, free Leif

All ailments cured!

Now that everything if normal once more, Jason begins planning, and equipping his team with their new gear.


JASON: new gear: Zero Bodysuit, Dark Hood, Merc Knife

Defense: 23 <=> 42
Attack: 45 <=> 66
Magic: 67<=> 69
M.Def: 54 <=> 60
Stamina: 45 <=> 56
Endurance: 100 <=> 123
Dexterity: 99 <=> 108

New special attack: Merc Knife induces x5 stacked crippling poison on anybody hit by it.


LEIF: new gear: Zero Bodysuit, Cross-Com Eyepiece, TakTek Tactical Forest Sniper Rifle Variant

Defense: 66 <=> 77
Attack: 100 <=> 118
Magic: 67 <=> 76
M.Def: 54 <=> 65
Stamina: 56 <=> 76
Endurance: 100 <=> 120
Dexterity: 99 <=> 110

New special attack: TakTek Forest Variant lowers enemy ability to dodge attacks made by user.


BRYCE: new gear: Zero Bodysuit, Greasy Bandanna, Welding Torch

Defense: 99 <=> 108
Attack: 88 <=> 99
Magic: 68 <=> 68
M.Def: 54 <=> 54
Stamina: 77 <=> 79
Endurance: 100 <=> 130
Dexterity: 45 <=>73

New special attack: Welding Torch inflicts Fire ailment on all enemies hit by it.


Now that the team is properly equipped, by way of RPG physics, Jason manages to somehow sell the default uniforms and weapons from the confines of the hotel room. Talk about convenience, right?

The team turns in to their beds, and sleeps through a short 5-second black screen.

The next morning, or the after-effects of said black screen, Jason wakes up and explores the lobby... and meets PLAYER FOUR!!!


Age: 18
Gender: M
Class: Neen-jah!

Welcome, Ninja Salem!


Salem has been accepted into the party, and is given a spare Zero Bodysuit, a Clockwork Sword, and a Blast Trauma Helmet.


Salem: new gear: Zero Bodysuit, Blast Trauma Helmet, Clockwork Sword

Defense: 67 <=> 89
Attack: 99 <=> 108
Magic: 66 <=> 99
M.Def: 65 <=> 77
Stamina: 77 <=> 97
Dexterity: 87 <=> 107

New special attack: Clockwork Sword has a finisher attack that takes three turns to charge. It acts very much like a Shoop Whooper.


Now then! We move on!

The entire team does the Time Warp for fifteen minutes and ends up in a RANDOM ENCOUNTER!!!

HP: 34
MP: 00
Special: none
Drop: 999 monies, potion


Jason attacks!


--God damn it...

Enemy retaliates for 23 damage!


Leif attacks!



Enemy retaliates for 23 damage!


Bryce attacks!



Enemy retaliates!




Salem attacks!


--Wait, WHAT?!

Enemy dies!

Party gains lewtz!

--Uh... okay...


Continued later.


Fooling around with an RP


2009-10-25 20:16:26 by JHaley

Flying to Japan. Salem decided to go easy and take me somewhere else where I wasn't automatically thinking that I would know where I was going.

We booked a flight to Nagoya, population: 2.2 mil., to check out a new place for once. Salem said his mother's roots were somewhere in Osaka, but they decided to move to Nagoya because of some event that ran them out. I didn't ask anymore questions.

We should be landing in about five more hours. Don't expect me to write when we land, I'll be dead on my feet.

Although, word to the wise, don't challenge me to a game of Paintball Wars when I'm either drunk or really really tired. I am living proof that boot camp sticks with you forever, 'cause when I'm hung over or sleepy, I'm twice as effective as when I'm not.

Oh yeah, and a map of Japan so you know exactly where in the world I am shall be included below. If you can't read the writing on it, well, I send my regards, but that's the only picture I can find: