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JHaley's News

"So, how is it that you can write about military tactics and weapons if you've never been through war(or you never mention it if you did go through war)?"

Everything I didn't know, I learned from Tom Clancy.

Yeah, I'm a bit of a fan of Tom Clancy's books. Currently, I have these ones:

The Teeth of the Tiger
Executive Orders
Search for Red October
The Bear and the Dragon
Splinter Cell
Splinter Cell: Operation Barracuda
Splinter Cell: Checkmate
Splinter Cell: Fallout

Endwar is my most recent find. It's a story about World War 3 beginning with a nuclear exchange between the middle eastern countries, thus wiping them off the map. Then, taking hold of the current pandemonium, the Russian Federation seeks to expand its power by taking full control of the Canadian Oil Reserves in Alberta. They enlist the help of terrorist organization Green Brigade, led by Green Vox, who sets up multiple bombs throughout the story, effectively weakening the trust between the European Union and the American Senate. America and Europe are forced to destroy the International Space Station for fear that, the Russians having taken over, lasers might be fired upon the Earth, killing millions. After that, current president David Beccera sends in Joint Strike Force soldiers to Alberta, Edmonton, and High Level to ward off oncoming Russian Spetsnasz soldiers and heavily armed vehicles and aircraft.

Shortly before all this, the Joint Strike Force sent in Army Special Ops. disguised as Russians to kidnap GRU's Colonel Pavel Doletskaya, who is transported to Guantanamo Bay for questioning about Russia's great plan to take over the world.

And I won't say more than that.

So, there you go. That's my answer to your question, regarding how I get my information. All that I didn't learn from books, I researched. Gotta' do your homework if you want to be successful.

Let that be a lesson to you, kiddies.

I'm eventually going to put up more stuff regarding my recent projects. At the moment, we've screeched to a massive standstill, and the ship's tipping wildly, skipper.

<What that means is, I'm getting really annoyed that my buddies/co-authors seem to enjoy taking their sweet time when I'm trying to keep people from bugging me even worse about when said projects are going to come out.>

But first, something I'm sure a couple of you are quite familiar with by now: THE FAN MAILS.

"Why do you hate scientology and jehova's witnesses so much? What'd they ever do to you?"

Jehova's Witnesses sent a door-to-door convert man to try and make me into one of them, and I damn near shot him. As for scientologists, I just don't like the fact that they consider themselves better than society. They're the same people as everybody else, they share the exact same human emotions, do the exact same human activities, say the exact same human words we do, and yet they believe they're infested by aliens. You want me to help prove that theory wrong? Go grab me a shotgun, and find a scientologist to blow holes through.

"Is there going to be a new Battle Vendetta series?"

No. As of now, I am officially finished with Battle Vendetta. I'm moving on to more larger projects, and hopefully these questions will stop coming soon.

"Where are you from originally?"

You must not know me. I can understand that, but this had better not lead to any other questions prying into my personal life. I'm a proud member of the Russian Motherland, formerly. Now I'm an American kid with a Yankee attitude, plus some of the Russian asshole factor added in.

That's all? Wow, I'm amazed.

god-xenu fucking-damn it...

2009-09-08 21:44:57 by JHaley

I have a massive writer's block, and nothing to do about it.

So here's my frustration face, not to be confused with my emo face, both are quite similar.

PS: Yes, I went there with the title. I really think Scientology is a pile of bullshit, and the one guy I've been hassling about it thinks he's got this really well thought up strategy of getting me off their case. Telling me "Fuc u" every time I say something doesn't even count as a proper insult to me anymore. Especially not since you can't even SPELL it correctly.

The funny part? He tried to shove his "religion" in mine and a lot of other people's faces in the forums.

Anyhow, back to my writer's block frustration face:

god-xenu fucking-damn it...


2009-09-07 13:56:26 by JHaley

Hey, remember a couple hours ago, when I posted that I couldn't sleep?

Well, here's the one very long and rather pointless comment I got. I say pointless because the author, GodsGiftToWomen or whatever his name was, should have known that drawn out insults and over-extravagant and lacy glossing of modern day insults really DON'T insult me, as I'm sure many people should have noticed by now. I didn't bother reading this guy's comment, but I think there was something about water slugs and satan and how this guy knew who I was, even though I've never heard of him and would rather not know, either. The less idiots I'm associated with, the better.

You know, just because I said this, I'm probably going to get an equally extravagant and glossy PM from the same guy with even more pointlessness because his oh-so-holier-than-thou mind can't quite grasp that I don't care.

Save your "I'll change this evil world" behavior for when the Nazis attack again. Because absolutely NOBODY is listening.

And if you think pathetic words are going to make me act different than I do now, you should see the millions of emails I've deleted where people insult me for no reason, and how I responded.

Let this be a little notice to anymore people who think I'll get insulted by the fact that you're ten times more of a word geek than I am. Don't even bother, you won't accomplish anything except making yourself look like some smarmy, stuck up dude in a tuxedo with a heavy British accent and a monocle. Who's balding.

Thanks for listening.

And keep the Shakespearean insults to yourself.

cool story, bro.

2009-09-07 04:22:07 by JHaley


Can't sleep, so I might as well get this one out of the way and off my chest.

I was playing this game on XGen Studios' website. You probably know the one I'm talking about, Stick Arena: Ballistick?

So, I was playing on my account (Xendane), and I noticed some dude was running around without the ability to be killed. And he was also somehow nabbing weapons unavailable to the map.

I called a vote against him, and who would've guessed that the sucker would rally the rest against me?

Meh. Either way, I still pwned them.


2009-09-06 12:38:28 by JHaley

Let's talk anime for a second, ah 'kay?

Now, see, I don't mind it here and there, and I enjoy pictures of it sometimes, but when you put anime porn in my inbox for me to see because you just want me to feature your email in one of my many email answering news posts, yeah, that's where I draw the line. Seriously, how about YOU try waking up from a dream that was about a Mafia boss holding you hostage and about to kill you when your best buddy busts in and kicks their asses and frees you, allowing you to steal the information about a huge drug war going on somewhere in South Africa that you later hand to the General of the United States Military who passes it along to the president who later sends out forces to break the whole thing up, then you check your email, and you find THIS in your inbox:

Anime rape poster I got in my inbox

See, I don't mind looking at girls, and I don't mind bikinis, because my hormones, after about age seventeen, have completely shut down and given way to maturity and acceptance, but PLEASE, for the love of GOD, DON'T send me pictures of rape or girls using their fingers to force open their unmentionables! Makes me want to throw up! Especially since my step sister, Alice, nearly got raped, had I not been in the other room at the time and was able to stop it before it happened.

Now then, on to business:

I did say I'd be answering emails (Excluding the picture one), so here goes.

"Dear Jason:
Have you ever had sex in your life?"

Not yet, but that's because my girlfriend and I are holding off on it until we're absolutely sure we're ready.

"Yo, Jason, Yo really oughta' smack dat sometime soon, ya pussy"

What's with all these emails asking about sex?! Well, for one thing, I don't listen to gangster's opinions because more likely than not, while I know a few smart ones who really want to change their habits, there are quite a few others who'd suggest you do drugs out your ass until your lungs give out, and on top of that, have sex until you contract a fatal disease, become sterile, and die. So, this email shall go unreplied to.

"So, I hear you're working on a parody now. How many projects does that make that you're working on?"

Fifty. XD

"So, your buddy Leif seems a bit tripped out over this email business and you leaving on a moment's notice without telling anybody. What's up with that?"

I'm more active at night. And sometimes I get emails from people who want to meet me in private, so I'll just leave without telling anybody, and if they follow me, I tell them to go back home and get some sleep, that they're just hallucinating, whatever. It seems to work out just fine. Plus, Leif knows exactly what those emails are about. It's our little code in our group of friends, you write a nonsense email, capitalize all the letters in it that spell out the message you're looking for, and then send it to the person. It's simple, yeah, but it's thrown off many people. In fact, I even left the letters uncapitalized just to throw off some hacker who'd been stalking me through my modem. Once I caught him at the location that I put in the fake email to throw him off, he got his ass beat like never before and ran home crying to mommy.

Nothing huge, Leif's just a worry-wart.

"Have you played Assassin's Creed?"

Yep, and I'm gonna' get the second game when it hits my end of town. I love Assassin's Creed.

"W010101010101, 1337 h4><0rz ftw!

Wolololololololol, Zack Tanner ftw.

"Can you draw a picture of yourself so I know who to look for when I'm stal-er, having a nice lunch with you later?"

Thank god I can't draw...

Well, that's about all for now. I'ma go randomly beat my head against the wall.



<no subject>

2009-09-05 14:14:58 by JHaley

Hey there, name's Leif. I'm a good friend of Jason's, if he hasn't already told you that enough. Hmph. Typical of him to go off on every little detail he knows. Anyhow, Jason isn't here right now, and I don't know where he went because, also a typical factor for him, he never tells anybody he knows ANYTHING when he's off on some super secret errand. But I did happen to stumble across his office and find a huge mess of papers all over the floor. One of them contained parts of a story that he's working on, and they look like character developments. Although, he wrote them in Russian, yet another factor of his massive distrust towards anybody and everybody unless he knows he can confide in them, so I'm going to try my best to translate these. Here goes:


STORY TO APPEAR: Solo Project Alpha-1, Minerva, and possible others

PERSONALITY TRAITS: Eccentric, hyperactive, determined, a really good shot

BIO: was an experiment for a facility to the west of St. Binah that nobody but the leader of Alciudad knew of. Escaped after an accident caused the power to go out, thus releasing the pressure valves that held her animation capsule shut. Seventeen doctors killed, eighty-nine security officers wounded in action, thirty more killed. Escaped to Arkad ruins. Current whereabouts unknown as of late.

Jason writes in a really small notebook. And I can guess that since his handwriting is really hard to read, especially when he writes in Russian characters, I must have gotten at least half of that wrong. Oh well, I'm sure Jason will have a good translation for me when he gets back. Oh yeah, and I found a message in his inbox. It looks like spam mail, here, I'll let you try and figure it out:

MaybE annE wasn'T Mad aftEr All. The earthquake THat shE said would ProbabLy hit Actually came, and ZAck said he was there.

If I know Jason, whenever he gets an email like this, it's usually a request from somebody I've never heard of, or it's usually Zack Tanner telling him something I'm not meant to know about. And if I know Jason, I know better than to ask about it, because when I do, he gets really hostile for some reason. Well, whatever. To each his own, and I'm gonna' skip on out of Jason's office before he catches me, I can see him walking towards the house now. He looks like he just went to Japan, what's with all that crap he's carrying?

Alright, so, apparently, Leif got in on the scoop that I'm making yet another character. And that email I got was from Jack Winstone, old old friend of mine. He and his brother Clyde were in town, and they wanted me to meet up with them to check out the stuff they got on their trip through Shanghai. Pretty cool, too. I'm not sure how they managed to nab a Luger and a Chinese sword, but I don't care either, so I'm just gonna' sit here and drool about the two items.

God, I need to clean this mess up. I must have been smashed last night, there's never this big a mess of papers on the floor in here. Ah, crap, I just stepped on Bryce. Why the hell is HE in my office? He's got his own room...

<no subject>

This is a random list of the many guns I know of, and it's not even the full list:


S&W 9mm
S&W Sigma
S&W Sigma Compact
S&W .40 caliber
S&W 9mm/.40 Compact
S&W 10mm
S&W J frame
S&W K frame
Beretta 96D
Beretta Cougar
Beretta Compact
Beretta Cougar Compact
Desert Eagle .45 caliber
Desert Eagle .50 caliber
FN Forty-Nine
Glock Compact
Glock Sub-Compact
Glock 10mm/.45 caliber
Glock 10mm/.45 Sub-Compact
Glock G36
H&K P2000
H&K P2000 Compact
H&K USP Compact
H&K USP Sub-Compact
H&K USP .45 Compact
SIG 220/226
SIG 228/229
SIG 239
SIG P2022
SIG P225
SIG P245
Walther 99
Tokarev TT-33
FN Five-seveN USG
Nagant M1895
Manurhin MR73
Arminius Model 10
Korth Combat
Rast & Gasser M1898
Miroku .38
IzMech MP412 "REX"
Colt Python
Ruger Redhawk


Tippmann A5
Colt 9mm
Type 55 .8mm
Vector SMG
Mac 11
Beretta SMG
Type 100 SMG


M1 Carbine
.45 ACP
H&K G36K


Franchi SPAS-12
Franchi SPAS-15
Benelli M1 Super 90
Beretta 1201 F/FP
Fabarm SDASS Tactical
Pancor Jackhammer
Valtro PM-5
Nazarian 870 Combat
IZHMASH Saiga 12
Vepr 12
Ithaca Model 37
KAC Masterkey gun attachment
Mossberg 500
Remington 1100
Serbu Super-Shorty


M203 launcher attachment
MGL-Mk. 1

I'd put more up, but I'm running out of characters. So, here's a picture of all kinds of guns, many of which I already mentioned

Oh yeah, and I now officially worry myself. If I know so many weapons, hell, I could become Public Enemy Number One.

Somebody help me...

Okay, the gun thing is getting me worried...

Harry Potter and me? Whaaaaaaat?

2009-09-03 15:02:30 by JHaley

So, with the new Harry Potter movie being the latest craze around my end of town, I've been getting tons of questions asking me about Harry Potter, both from people I know and faithful readers.

Here goes...

"Dear Jason,

If you were pit against Voldemort, what weapon would you use against him, and why?"

What weapon? Hm. I'd have to say I'd go with your average-day gun. I don't care WHAT excuse you could use to defend Voldemort's case, there is nearly NOTHING that can stop a bullet from tearing a hole in human/non human skin, and by the time he got started saying "Avada Cadavara", I'd have shot him next to fifty times. He'd be dead, and I'd be pissing on his blood-crusted head. End of story.

"Do you consider yourself better than magic?"

While the idea of mixing biological warfare with ancient arts seems pretty kick-ass, let's face it, kids, Magic is an old theory that people came up with in the late 1000's or something along those lines. Since then, people have evolved to the point where the only USEFUL magic, if any, would be a spell called "Earth-Nukera", which basically is the Genesis Project. So, yes, I do consider myself and the rest of society better than magic, in that regard.

"Do you feel that you and Harry Potter have anything in common?"

Well, for one thing, we're both orphans, we both had sucky foster families, somebody came around and delivered both our asses from the pits of certain hell, we've fought our fare share of black-eyed flat-feet, snobby upperclassmen, disguised spooks, possible terrorists, and other assortments of public enemies. We've met elderly and wise people, and some of them were REALLY FUCKING TALL(Hagrid), we've met really creepy people who looked about ready to wring our necks (Snape, Moody, and just about every Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to date), and we're pretty much the center of the action for everybody. Yeah, we have some stuff in common.

"Do you think you're better than Harry Potter?"

Well, that depends: Is he ever going to get it through his head that Voldemort ain't so hard to kill when one is properly equipped for combat, or is he going to remain stupid in teh brain meats? Only time shall tell.

"You and Harry Potter would make a totally awesome fanfic!"

Aw, son of a bitch! There goes my lunch...

"Hermione and you seem like the perfect pairing."

Done already, didn't work. Marina tried that one.

Well, that looks like all I have right now, so as a parting specialty I give you... another picture of a gun!


Harry Potter and me? Whaaaaaaat?

You laugh, I get pissed.

2009-09-02 18:36:53 by JHaley

Want to hear some things I've heard today that really make me livid? I'm sure you'll get a kick out of them.

If not? Oh well.

"Hey, kid, are you asleep?"

If I'm not immediately putting my head up and responding to you with a yes or no response, the automatic answer should either be "yes" or "get this guy the FUCK to the hospital, I think he might be in a coma!"

In truth, I do tend to doze off when sitting against a tree or under an overhang. I've gotten really drained on energy lately, so I doze off a lot.

"Hey, can you help me spell <insert word here>?"

Yes, it's spelled Y-O-U-'-R-E- -A- -D-U-M-B-A-S-S.

And also, read a god damn dictionary, kids, I'm not a fucking Spell Check.

"Hey, I'm a girl, don't you boys want to look at me?"

I already have a girlfriend, for one thing, so the obvious answer, for me, would be no. And for another thing, if you think you're so god damn sexy that every head is REQUIRED to immediately stare at your ass while you walk, why not go to take on modeling? Or better yet, if you like the attention so much, become a god damn stripper, you make a shit load of cash and guys never stop looking at you. Hell, some even drop a white deuce in their pants if they stare at you long enough.

"I understand that you're a painfully shy person, but you should at least TRY to open up a bit."

The kindly old man who told me this was spot-on when he said I was painfully shy. In real life, if I don't know you, and you don't fit my conversation criteria, we will NOT be speaking. I usually sit anywhere deserted of all human population, because it both lets me concentrate on my own personal matters(such as that awesome song I'm thinking up the tune for right now), and it helps me avoid idiots who try and offer me any kind of drug I don't want. So, sorry, old man, but I'm not about to change my attitude anytime soon.

"God, could you move any SLOWER?"

Yes, actually, I can. In the course of an hour, this sentence will finally have been written.

These whiny bitches really just get on my nerves. A word to the wise, people: I move AT MY OWN PACE, so shove your deadlines up your ass, because I choose my own tempo.

"All German people were Nazis!"

Wrong, rookie. Many German people were Jewish, and many more didn't agree with Hitler's idea of a purified world. Also, there were many Italian and Japanese Nazis, which is a sad thing, given how awesome both those countries are nowadays.

Do your homework once in a while, it'll make you less of a douche.

"Yo, n***a, yo noise sucks dick, dis shit be betta!"

Go fuck yourself, Fitty Cent. Rap is, in my opinion, NOT a music. Anything that talks about abuse of animals, drugs, women, and how "da white man be hatin'", even though it's been several decades since American people let slaves have their freedom, is not a music in my opinion.

But, you're an American too! <---This is also wrong. I'm a proud son of Mother Russia, thank you very much. It's just that I've acquired much American culture from when I was five to when I turned nineteen.

"If we lost all our technology, I doubt anybody would survive."

Boy, am I glad I took the time to read a how-to guide on surviving in the wilderness with nothing but your wits.

"Barcode tattoos are cool!"

So, you like being identified as a slave to human technology, to which you feel the need to pointlessly rebel against something that has absolutely no effect on our status as humans, and the ruling class, whatsoever? Or do you like being called a box of Cheerios instead?

"The people who go to war are the people who make this world hell to begin with."

No, the people who go to war are simply the easily led and easily controlled pawns of a greater scheme hatched by the world leaders to attempt to put a noose on our human rights and freedoms as we know it, starting with the right to bear arms. The people who go to war think they go and die in a horrible event for the better of mankind, but really, the government's just screwing us over year after year, which is why I hope to FUCK that Obama's going to keep good on his word to change the system. I'm sick of backstabbing politicians.

I'm also sick of being politically correct, do you agree?

PS: This is in no way suggesting anarchy, I'm just saying I wish the people who ran the system weren't such assholes about it.

So, there you go. Phrases and sentences people said today that just make me want to beat the stupid out of them. If that's possible. I might just be beating the stupid IN to them even worse.


I bet you're all just skipping to the part where I put up a picture of a gun. Well guess what? Here's another gun. But it's also a knife! Ha ha! Got you good, didn't I?



You laugh, I get pissed.