So, with the new Harry Potter movie being the latest craze around my end of town, I've been getting tons of questions asking me about Harry Potter, both from people I know and faithful readers.

Here goes...

"Dear Jason,

If you were pit against Voldemort, what weapon would you use against him, and why?"

What weapon? Hm. I'd have to say I'd go with your average-day gun. I don't care WHAT excuse you could use to defend Voldemort's case, there is nearly NOTHING that can stop a bullet from tearing a hole in human/non human skin, and by the time he got started saying "Avada Cadavara", I'd have shot him next to fifty times. He'd be dead, and I'd be pissing on his blood-crusted head. End of story.

"Do you consider yourself better than magic?"

While the idea of mixing biological warfare with ancient arts seems pretty kick-ass, let's face it, kids, Magic is an old theory that people came up with in the late 1000's or something along those lines. Since then, people have evolved to the point where the only USEFUL magic, if any, would be a spell called "Earth-Nukera", which basically is the Genesis Project. So, yes, I do consider myself and the rest of society better than magic, in that regard.

"Do you feel that you and Harry Potter have anything in common?"

Well, for one thing, we're both orphans, we both had sucky foster families, somebody came around and delivered both our asses from the pits of certain hell, we've fought our fare share of black-eyed flat-feet, snobby upperclassmen, disguised spooks, possible terrorists, and other assortments of public enemies. We've met elderly and wise people, and some of them were REALLY FUCKING TALL(Hagrid), we've met really creepy people who looked about ready to wring our necks (Snape, Moody, and just about every Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to date), and we're pretty much the center of the action for everybody. Yeah, we have some stuff in common.

"Do you think you're better than Harry Potter?"

Well, that depends: Is he ever going to get it through his head that Voldemort ain't so hard to kill when one is properly equipped for combat, or is he going to remain stupid in teh brain meats? Only time shall tell.

"You and Harry Potter would make a totally awesome fanfic!"

Aw, son of a bitch! There goes my lunch...

"Hermione and you seem like the perfect pairing."

Done already, didn't work. Marina tried that one.

Well, that looks like all I have right now, so as a parting specialty I give you... another picture of a gun!

OMG, NO WAI!