Right, then. So, apparently, and I didn't know this because I don't feel like checking, Russian characters DON'T translate on Newgrounds at all. I got all this number shit and it confused me.

So, instead of re-writing my already-finished-and-ready-to-be-maile d-to-my-brother-in-Russia, I'll just go to sleep. I'm kinda tired. Maybe it's because I've been at a nearby gym all day, or maybe it's because I was visiting an EXTREMELY old friend of mine, who I knew from the third grade, Sandy.

We're about the same age, if you were wondering, which I HOPE you weren't.

Sandy, to give you a clue, was the person who taught me and Leif how to play the guitar. She helped me get my writing skills up to par, and she helped Leif's singing voice come out. Sandy also enjoys pottery and painting. And she's a bit of a nut.

That's all I'll say for the moment.

Oh yeah, and if you're going to comment, due to a bit of a... "bad crossing", between me and somebody who was VERY full of himself, I'm setting the comments to only those I approve. If it's not mature and clean, I'm not accepting it. If you're just going to call me out for no reason, I'm deleting it. Let this be your ONLY warning.

This story I wrote is written completely in Russian, on purpose. It talks about a man who wields a sword and has a bit of a grudge against his higher authorities. I wrote it in Russian for my brother, Arkadi, to read when I send it to him in Moscow. He said he wanted to see some of my works sometime. Then I might translate it into English for you guys.

For now...

See if you can translate. ;D

~~~~~

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.

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~~~~~

Did you catch all that? Know what any of it means? If so, see how well you do by commenting me and trying your hand with it. Go ahead, knock my socks off.

Now, to be fair, I'm not sure how many words are correct, so if I seem to have one wrong, and you can tell it's wrong, please tell me which word I should have used.

Thanks.

Oh yeah, and by the way, Cheese.

My post decided to give me about five more lines I didn't need.

~~~~~

EDIT: Ah, shit. Apparently, Russian figures don't translate on Newgrounds. Fuck. Well, nevermind the comments, then...

Alright, so, now that I've slept off all that jetlag(the only way I know how), I'm ready to bust some more fan mails in half. But not the fans themselves, that would be mean.

So! Here we go...

"Dear Jason,

I would like to courteously invite you to join me in Los Vegas for a night filled with gambling, drinking, and sex. Would you be so kind as to accept my offer?"

No thanks, man, I've done enough traveling this week.

"Ohmigod, you're totally AWESOME!!!"

Now where have I heard that before...?
"Do you think you could post the unedited part of chapter 35 that you said was getting you bad reviews?"

Sure, here: Chapter 35, unedited.
"Know of any good comedians?"

Er... Tater Salad? I mean, at least, I enjoy his stuff.

"Can you dance?"

I can do a mean Irish jig laddie, if that's what you be referrin' to.

What, that's it? Man, I was totally up to answering fan mails today!

Back in California again, I'm gonna' sleep off the plane trip like a BAD hangover.

Gah! My damn laptop computer woke me up!

(yeah, I have a program on my laptop that acts as a phone. I'm wearing my headsets right now. And I WAS listening to some songs by Jason Mraz until freakin' Leif called to check if I was anywhere near Boston yet.

Nope! Still crossing the Atlantic!)

Well, since I'm awake now, I might as well answer some emails...

"Dear Jason,

whycome you don't make animations?"

Whycome you don't talk right?

Really, I used to make animations, just to screw around, but ever since that really big animation that eventually turned into a three-hour long movie (To my fans who remember, yes, I'm talking about Battle Vendetta), I've kinda gotten tired of anything involving animation. Otherwise, I'd be making that RPG I said I was working on five years ago.

Alright, so, it looks like that's my only one right now. I'll probably have another one in a couple of secon-

Ah, there it is.

"Feeling insecure with yourself? Try our new product!"

...

Another pointless Viagra message. You know what I do to those? I DELETE THEM OUT THE ASS!

'Kay, well, my eyes are slipping shut, so I'm going to cut it off here.

See you in California, folks.

I've finished up my traveling, now I'm getting ready to head home. Getting on the plane now, should be back in California by tomorrow morning.

I'm really tired right now, so when I get on the plane, I'ma go to sleep.

I'll be more energized after a much needed rest.

I'm playing Thing Thing Arena 3 over the internet in Hiroshima. Takashi tells me I'm better at video games than he is, as I placed 4th in the August high scores, Sewer Medium Level, Casual mode, whereas he placed 15th when he played. I play Casual because I'm not a hardcore gamer. I like to take things nice and easy.

Whatever. Not important.

As I expected, today I got an email from, not a fan, but rather, a person who's so damn jealous that people like me that they just HAD to throw shit at me. I'm laughing like an idiot right now, I swear to god.

Here it is:

"I don't see how so many people like you, for one thing, your a total prick, and for anuther think. you re girlfriend is a totl slutbag. why wuld enybody evar go out with that sack of whore? oh, and btw, ur name sound s so stupid. jason haley. what a stoopid name, haley. yeah, i cn totully c y people luv u, you re probly a dam lesbo girl yourself!

have fun w/ ur fans, HALEY.

jenna"

Well, Jenna, I don't see why you consider yourself any better, with your lackluster spelling and grammar. I draw mainly a crowd of intelligent and well-thinking people, and sometimes sex hounds. If you've noticed that I don't seem to get any hate mails from people who write as terribly as yourself, that should give you a clue that maybe they thought out their shit-flinging, instead of pulling the first thing they thought of out of their asses. At the very least, you got my name right. I'd probably be a tad angry if you spelled my name as "jsnon helay", which it is very much not. Now, if you had called me Joscelin by accident, I would've laughed even harder than I currently am.

So, while I would easily just delete this message, I've not another choice but to reply to this with: your insults be damned, I've heard so much better. If the best you can come up with is insults about my name and my girlfriend, which I'm very much sure she greatly appreciates, might I add, then I must tell you, this is a sad, sad attempt.

Oh yeah, and before you go off on me for being a lesbian, might I just tell you now that there's not a whole lot of girls named JASON? In fact, I doubt there are any with such a name.

Guess who did his homework?

So, thanks for the email, which I am going to promptly delete after I reply, and hopefully I won't have to read another god-awful letter from you again.

-Jason

Of course, that wasn't the end of it, she immediately replied with another message, the spelling much more improved, because this time, wonder of wonders, it was Jenna's older sister, Jean. Jenna and Jean. Sounds to me like somebody's parent ran out of ideas to call their children. Seriously, even in my house, our names started with a different letter(save for my little brother and my older sister, both of whom had names beginning with A).

Here's that email:

"I'll have you know, Jason, that my little sister is younger than what you probably expect. I imagine, since you "draw a crowd of more intelligent, well-thinking people", that most of the emails you receive are from older people, many older than you, since you seem to have the behavior of a ten year old with a god complex.

Also, Jenna has a mental deficiency that causes her to become easily confused. Of course, this includes taking your name and immediately placing you as a girl, since you have a girl's name as your last name, haven't you noticed?

And while I won't immediately say I agree with her when she says your girlfriend is less than desirable, I will say that I at one point knew her, and she certainly acted as if she was nothing but a sex toy."

See, Jenna? Big sis knows how to insult me. Even though it really didn't insult me.

To tell the truth, the people who I get emails from are about my age. I have a "god complex" because I'm living my life how I want to live it, and nobody has a say in how I should live. I want to eat five tacos in one hour? I'm going to eat five tacos in one hour. You want to complain that I'm eating unhealthily? Bite me. Maybe some of the bad calories will rub off on you.

And how in god's name was I supposed to know your nitwit sister not only had a big mouth, but she also had A.D.D.? Like I was going to figure that out just by reading what she wrote.

And yes, I know I have a girl's name for my last name. It's actually a kinda' popular name, look up anybody who has the name Haley sometime.

And by the way, I've known Marina for two years. In those two years, she matured greatly and has become more aware of her personality, she's become more of a motherly figure to the younger members of her family, and she's a generally kind-hearted person. Maybe you think of her differently than me, but that's my opinion of her.

Or were you just jealous because she's a black belt in Karate, and all you have is a credential in hair design, or something like that?

Why don't you think about that for a little bit, then get back to me, huh?
-Jason

Well, she definitely got back to me. And I won't post the email here because... and I don't know why... she got especially nasty. Hey, I was just pointing out the facts, if you don't appreciate it, that's your issue, not mine. My reply, however, I'll post, since it's short, and I personally found it to be true:

Okay, wow, SOMEbody really needs anger management classes. Honestly, lady, if you don't like what I have to say, then why in god's name are you reading my stuff?

Finally, I have one more email, this one from a fan who happens to know that, yes, my friends and I all have an instrument that we play. Well, most of us.

"So, what instrument do you guys each play? And do any of you sing?"

Yeah, I sing, Dusti sings, Bryce sings, Ryu sings(sometimes), Salem sings, Marina sings... Most of us have a singing career.

As for the instruments, I play an acoustic guitar when I'm writing my own songs, but I go electric when I'm trying them out. Bryce also plays guitar, but he also plays piano really well. Ace plays guitar, and he raps. He's not very good. Houston... he just raps. He's also piss-poor-awful at it. Marina plays guitar, and she and I both have matching guitars because, for some reason, she wants to look almost exactly like me. That's fine, but I like her current short, brown, fuzzy hairstyle, if she dyes it black and styles it exactly like my hair, that'll be the line I draw. A female me? Good god, no.

Virginia and Kira both sing, and Virginia plays guitar. Country guitar, that is. Kira... I'm not sure, I think she plays the flute. Parora(his real name's Michael, but he likes Parora for some reason)plays piano, and he's pretty good at it. Ryu plays guitar. So does Salem. Max plays the drums. Leif plays guitar, and he also sings. He and I went to the same classes. But unlike me, he actually NEEDED the classes. Aiden doesn't play anything, and he doesn't sing. He's a songwriter. Got good tunes, got no skills. Basically.

Rowell, Max's brother, plays the trumpet, of all things. Bryce's younger brother, Jacob, sings. He'll play guitar sometimes, but never electric, or with any amps. He says he sucks "too much to go rock star." as for Lucian, he's got this little motto: A lad without a voice is a lad done wasted. (He's Irish.) Now, Jack and Clyde Winstone, the "twins", they both sing. They have a little duet. And they both play guitars. As for everybody else, I don't know that. So, for now, your question has been answered.

Thanks for the email,

-Jason

Finally left Tokyo after getting FUCKING LOST in the streets. My buddy Zyri0s(or, Sk3tch-8 from Yahoo)sent me an email talking about a little thing we're doing.

See, sometimes Z(or Sk3tch-8, if you prefer)and I play a video game for the express purpose of fucking around while making a review for it. Last time, we did Kingdom Hearts, this time, we're doing The Godfather. And between you and me, I really like the pistol execution.

We've been emailing each other the progress in each of our game sessions. And let me tell you, I think Z's been playing a bit too much Army of Two, he talks like 53CT10N 31GHT, that leet speaking hacker who helps out Tyson and Salem through the course of the game. Yep, Z talks in ALL LEET SPEEK, AND I CAN'T FUCKING READ A DAMN WORD WITHOUT USING A FUCKING LEET SPEEK DICTIONARY.

Here's what his email said:

"H3y d00d, 1 g0tz t3h n3xt 1337n355 p4rt 4 u, m4n, 1t'z 1n t3h 4tt4chm3n><orz!1!11!!!"

Here's what I had to translate it as:

"Hey, Jase, got the next part for you, it's in the attachments at the end of this email."

Fuck you, Z. Fuck you.

But, anyhow, I finally left Tokyo to head to Hiroshima so I could pay my respects to my uncle Shinji. I do this every summer, it's a tradition in my family to pay our respects during the summer. My Japanese cousin, Takashi, and I were touching up on some of our swordsmanship skills earlier, now I think he's trying to find me a map of Hiroshima so that I don't get lost here as well. Maybe I'll finally be able to find a supermarket so I don't die of hunger on the way back to America.

No emails from fans today, but I'm expecting some from not so much fans as people who hate my guts, because I think I might have accidentally pissed off a mafia boss in one of my email responses.

Did you know that oops in Russian is Oy? I'd post the one for Japanese, heh heh, if I KNEW how to say it. I blame the ninjas.

Well, that's really I all I have to say. Other than, if you get the time to travel, and you head to Japan, be sure to try out their Soba noodles. Damn, those are good.

I got this email while waiting for my plane at an airport in Mirny. I'm heading out to Tokyo, Japan soon, and I'll probably meet up with some friends there. Right now, I'm still waiting.

So, here's that email:
"So, if I may ask, how many of these emails you say you receive are real, and how many of them are just pulled out of your ass?

Fred *Name deleted for privacy*, Florida, U.S.A."

Unfortunately, Freddy, every email that I get is 100% real. Some of them are just comments from something I made. Some of them are comments on a different site than Newgrounds. But they're all real. Most of them are emails. From fans. That I hate.

Granted, I don't hate ALL my fans, just the ones that are particularly of the sex hound region:

"OMG, I totally want to do Grey!" -Amilia *Name deleted for privacy*

or who think I should be in a story/video/game/book(which I already am, my autobiography):

"You'd make the perfect character for Jacob in Twilight!" -*Name deleted*

And just so you know, I'm anti-Twilight.

Or even people who think I should dump my girlfriend Marina and go for them instead:

"You don't need that broad, we could make it work real good." -Janet *Name deleted for privacy*

The fans I like, however, would be people like this:

"I liked your stories, don't you dare think about stopping anytime soon!" -Jack *Name deleted for privacy*

or this:

"Dude, whoever says anything bad about you is just jealous because they can't do what you can do, and it's what YOU can do that gets you all this fanservice." -Mark *Name deleted for privacy*

Actually, they say bad stuff about me because they think I'm a load of crap. Either way, it doesn't bother me, it's not like they know who I am, so whatever they say about me is horseshit.

or even, and I may change this soon, this:

"You're probably the biggest badass in my friends list" -username Sk3tch-8, a friend of mine. Sk3tch-8 is only his username on Yahoo, I don't know any of his other names.

(And I really hate it when people like him kiss up to me like he does.)

But, back to the point. Every email I get is real. Simple as that. Thanks for your question.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If YOU have any questions you'd like to ask Jason Haley(Which you probably don't, which is less work for me, which is a good thing), find him at: jason.haley@rocketmail.com

"You know, the way you describe the events that have happened to you, and all the other aspects of your life, people are going to wonder whether you're really this cool or if you just a pile of shit."

I don't consider myself cool.

I mean, seriously, this is about ALL that I am:

I'm a Russian-born child who moved to America when he was about 12. Orphaned. Changed name.

I went to school until the end of my senior year in High School. Graduated.

I joined the military at age seventeen. Became a Captain after about six months in service because I managed to earn myself a silver star and a medal of honor.

I retired from military service after being rescued from captivity by the bad guys. I now walk with a bit of a limp because my leg got messed up.

I took up a part time job as a bartender for about five months. I got fired because of a particularly bad night.

I now currently reside at my home in California, with my adopted brother, Leif Markus, my former room mate, Aiden Harold, and my girlfriend, Marina Day. My friends from the military stop by and say hi now and then.

I've decided to put my literary talents to use for the enjoyment of others by writing stories about the thrills, horrors, ups, downs, and boring parts of military service. Sure, they may be fantastical and not-exactly-here-and-now, but in my mind, it doesn't matter.

I'm basically just a normal guy who was once a proud member of the U.S. Marines. Nothing spectacular, I'm just saying it as it is. If people find reason to complain, well, they can piss off. My life is my life, and not you, nor anybody else in this world has the right to decide what's real and what's fiction. Not in my life.

I want to make sure that I'm absolutely clear when I say this: You have no say when it comes to Jason Haley, alias Nikolai Petrovich.

Capiche?

(P.S.: I've now left Mirny and am heading for my hometown of Moscow. After Moscow, I head out to Tokyo, then Hirojima, then I can head back to California and go home.)