Hey thar!

(That's the only time I'll ever do that.)

So, I get a lot of these emails asking how the snow is in Russia. EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to Russia.

Look, it's not ALWAYS frozen solid over here.

Did you know Russia actually does have a few beaches?

I'm heading over to one today with my brother(LITERALLY, from another mother), Arkadi. He said, and I'll translate from his Czechan language: "There's a few girls I think you'd be interested in." Yeah, I haven't told him about my girlfriend. He's never interested in that bull-honky. (That's how he puts it.)

Oh, you're wondering why I speak normal Russian while my brother speaks Czechan?

It's because my dad was one crazy asshole. He got freaky with, not one, but TWO girls. One of them gave birth to me, my little brother, Aleksandr, and my two younger sisters, Arina and Dominika. the other gave birth to Arkadi, my older sister, Anastasiya, and my younger brother, Evgeniy. (Yes, those are all Russian names, mine was Nikolai before I changed it to Jason.)

See, my mother was Russian, born in Mirny(where I am now), and raised in Moscow(where I was born). Arkadi's mother is Czechoslovakian. I say my mother and father WERE Russian because they're both dead. So's my little brother, Aleksandr, and my two younger sisters, Arina and Dominika. I was the only survivor of a massive eight-car collision that took their lives. My left shoulder is still slightly out of whack because of me slamming head first into the back of the driver's seat.

So, while I'm technically not an orphan, seeings as I still have relatives from my father's side of the family, since I was born in the Russian side of the family and not, say, the Chinese side, where my Aunt Jun Liang was born, I actually AM an orphan. Now, had I been of Italian descent or Japanese descent, maybe that would be a different story, but since I'm not, that's what it is.

(Oh yeah, my family's at one point or another been born throughout the majority of the world. Because of this, I have an extensive knowledge of language comprehension. It's kinda handy when training bi-lingual recruits in the Marines. Not that I do that anymore, I used to.)

So, anyhow, back to the beach.

I'll be heading out in about... oh, give or take three minutes. But since I've got a cold, I don't want to risk swimming at the moment. I'm starting to get over it, and I don't want it getting worse.

So, for now, this is Jason Haley (alias Nikolai Petrovich) saying, Dosvedanya, Sayonara, Nos Vemos, and for the hell of it, À bientôt.

Now here's a random-ass picture of a bunch of ninjas. For no reason whatsoever.

And be sure to check out Five Real-Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look Like A Pussy.