Want to hear some things I've heard today that really make me livid? I'm sure you'll get a kick out of them.

If not? Oh well.

"Hey, kid, are you asleep?"

If I'm not immediately putting my head up and responding to you with a yes or no response, the automatic answer should either be "yes" or "get this guy the FUCK to the hospital, I think he might be in a coma!"

In truth, I do tend to doze off when sitting against a tree or under an overhang. I've gotten really drained on energy lately, so I doze off a lot.

"Hey, can you help me spell <insert word here>?"

Yes, it's spelled Y-O-U-'-R-E- -A- -D-U-M-B-A-S-S.

And also, read a god damn dictionary, kids, I'm not a fucking Spell Check.

"Hey, I'm a girl, don't you boys want to look at me?"

I already have a girlfriend, for one thing, so the obvious answer, for me, would be no. And for another thing, if you think you're so god damn sexy that every head is REQUIRED to immediately stare at your ass while you walk, why not go to take on modeling? Or better yet, if you like the attention so much, become a god damn stripper, you make a shit load of cash and guys never stop looking at you. Hell, some even drop a white deuce in their pants if they stare at you long enough.

"I understand that you're a painfully shy person, but you should at least TRY to open up a bit."

The kindly old man who told me this was spot-on when he said I was painfully shy. In real life, if I don't know you, and you don't fit my conversation criteria, we will NOT be speaking. I usually sit anywhere deserted of all human population, because it both lets me concentrate on my own personal matters(such as that awesome song I'm thinking up the tune for right now), and it helps me avoid idiots who try and offer me any kind of drug I don't want. So, sorry, old man, but I'm not about to change my attitude anytime soon.

"God, could you move any SLOWER?"

Yes, actually, I can. In the course of an hour, this sentence will finally have been written.

These whiny bitches really just get on my nerves. A word to the wise, people: I move AT MY OWN PACE, so shove your deadlines up your ass, because I choose my own tempo.

"All German people were Nazis!"

Wrong, rookie. Many German people were Jewish, and many more didn't agree with Hitler's idea of a purified world. Also, there were many Italian and Japanese Nazis, which is a sad thing, given how awesome both those countries are nowadays.

Do your homework once in a while, it'll make you less of a douche.

"Yo, n***a, yo noise sucks dick, dis shit be betta!"

Go fuck yourself, Fitty Cent. Rap is, in my opinion, NOT a music. Anything that talks about abuse of animals, drugs, women, and how "da white man be hatin'", even though it's been several decades since American people let slaves have their freedom, is not a music in my opinion.

But, you're an American too! <---This is also wrong. I'm a proud son of Mother Russia, thank you very much. It's just that I've acquired much American culture from when I was five to when I turned nineteen.

"If we lost all our technology, I doubt anybody would survive."

Boy, am I glad I took the time to read a how-to guide on surviving in the wilderness with nothing but your wits.

"Barcode tattoos are cool!"

So, you like being identified as a slave to human technology, to which you feel the need to pointlessly rebel against something that has absolutely no effect on our status as humans, and the ruling class, whatsoever? Or do you like being called a box of Cheerios instead?

"The people who go to war are the people who make this world hell to begin with."

No, the people who go to war are simply the easily led and easily controlled pawns of a greater scheme hatched by the world leaders to attempt to put a noose on our human rights and freedoms as we know it, starting with the right to bear arms. The people who go to war think they go and die in a horrible event for the better of mankind, but really, the government's just screwing us over year after year, which is why I hope to FUCK that Obama's going to keep good on his word to change the system. I'm sick of backstabbing politicians.

I'm also sick of being politically correct, do you agree?

PS: This is in no way suggesting anarchy, I'm just saying I wish the people who ran the system weren't such assholes about it.

So, there you go. Phrases and sentences people said today that just make me want to beat the stupid out of them. If that's possible. I might just be beating the stupid IN to them even worse.

...

I bet you're all just skipping to the part where I put up a picture of a gun. Well guess what? Here's another gun. But it's also a knife! Ha ha! Got you good, didn't I?

No?

Fuck.