I'm playing Thing Thing Arena 3 over the internet in Hiroshima. Takashi tells me I'm better at video games than he is, as I placed 4th in the August high scores, Sewer Medium Level, Casual mode, whereas he placed 15th when he played. I play Casual because I'm not a hardcore gamer. I like to take things nice and easy.

Whatever. Not important.

As I expected, today I got an email from, not a fan, but rather, a person who's so damn jealous that people like me that they just HAD to throw shit at me. I'm laughing like an idiot right now, I swear to god.

Here it is:

"I don't see how so many people like you, for one thing, your a total prick, and for anuther think. you re girlfriend is a totl slutbag. why wuld enybody evar go out with that sack of whore? oh, and btw, ur name sound s so stupid. jason haley. what a stoopid name, haley. yeah, i cn totully c y people luv u, you re probly a dam lesbo girl yourself!

have fun w/ ur fans, HALEY.

jenna"

Well, Jenna, I don't see why you consider yourself any better, with your lackluster spelling and grammar. I draw mainly a crowd of intelligent and well-thinking people, and sometimes sex hounds. If you've noticed that I don't seem to get any hate mails from people who write as terribly as yourself, that should give you a clue that maybe they thought out their shit-flinging, instead of pulling the first thing they thought of out of their asses. At the very least, you got my name right. I'd probably be a tad angry if you spelled my name as "jsnon helay", which it is very much not. Now, if you had called me Joscelin by accident, I would've laughed even harder than I currently am.

So, while I would easily just delete this message, I've not another choice but to reply to this with: your insults be damned, I've heard so much better. If the best you can come up with is insults about my name and my girlfriend, which I'm very much sure she greatly appreciates, might I add, then I must tell you, this is a sad, sad attempt.

Oh yeah, and before you go off on me for being a lesbian, might I just tell you now that there's not a whole lot of girls named JASON? In fact, I doubt there are any with such a name.

Guess who did his homework?

So, thanks for the email, which I am going to promptly delete after I reply, and hopefully I won't have to read another god-awful letter from you again.

-Jason

Of course, that wasn't the end of it, she immediately replied with another message, the spelling much more improved, because this time, wonder of wonders, it was Jenna's older sister, Jean. Jenna and Jean. Sounds to me like somebody's parent ran out of ideas to call their children. Seriously, even in my house, our names started with a different letter(save for my little brother and my older sister, both of whom had names beginning with A).

Here's that email:

"I'll have you know, Jason, that my little sister is younger than what you probably expect. I imagine, since you "draw a crowd of more intelligent, well-thinking people", that most of the emails you receive are from older people, many older than you, since you seem to have the behavior of a ten year old with a god complex.

Also, Jenna has a mental deficiency that causes her to become easily confused. Of course, this includes taking your name and immediately placing you as a girl, since you have a girl's name as your last name, haven't you noticed?

And while I won't immediately say I agree with her when she says your girlfriend is less than desirable, I will say that I at one point knew her, and she certainly acted as if she was nothing but a sex toy."

See, Jenna? Big sis knows how to insult me. Even though it really didn't insult me.

To tell the truth, the people who I get emails from are about my age. I have a "god complex" because I'm living my life how I want to live it, and nobody has a say in how I should live. I want to eat five tacos in one hour? I'm going to eat five tacos in one hour. You want to complain that I'm eating unhealthily? Bite me. Maybe some of the bad calories will rub off on you.

And how in god's name was I supposed to know your nitwit sister not only had a big mouth, but she also had A.D.D.? Like I was going to figure that out just by reading what she wrote.

And yes, I know I have a girl's name for my last name. It's actually a kinda' popular name, look up anybody who has the name Haley sometime.

And by the way, I've known Marina for two years. In those two years, she matured greatly and has become more aware of her personality, she's become more of a motherly figure to the younger members of her family, and she's a generally kind-hearted person. Maybe you think of her differently than me, but that's my opinion of her.

Or were you just jealous because she's a black belt in Karate, and all you have is a credential in hair design, or something like that?

Why don't you think about that for a little bit, then get back to me, huh?
-Jason

Well, she definitely got back to me. And I won't post the email here because... and I don't know why... she got especially nasty. Hey, I was just pointing out the facts, if you don't appreciate it, that's your issue, not mine. My reply, however, I'll post, since it's short, and I personally found it to be true:

Okay, wow, SOMEbody really needs anger management classes. Honestly, lady, if you don't like what I have to say, then why in god's name are you reading my stuff?

Finally, I have one more email, this one from a fan who happens to know that, yes, my friends and I all have an instrument that we play. Well, most of us.

"So, what instrument do you guys each play? And do any of you sing?"

Yeah, I sing, Dusti sings, Bryce sings, Ryu sings(sometimes), Salem sings, Marina sings... Most of us have a singing career.

As for the instruments, I play an acoustic guitar when I'm writing my own songs, but I go electric when I'm trying them out. Bryce also plays guitar, but he also plays piano really well. Ace plays guitar, and he raps. He's not very good. Houston... he just raps. He's also piss-poor-awful at it. Marina plays guitar, and she and I both have matching guitars because, for some reason, she wants to look almost exactly like me. That's fine, but I like her current short, brown, fuzzy hairstyle, if she dyes it black and styles it exactly like my hair, that'll be the line I draw. A female me? Good god, no.

Virginia and Kira both sing, and Virginia plays guitar. Country guitar, that is. Kira... I'm not sure, I think she plays the flute. Parora(his real name's Michael, but he likes Parora for some reason)plays piano, and he's pretty good at it. Ryu plays guitar. So does Salem. Max plays the drums. Leif plays guitar, and he also sings. He and I went to the same classes. But unlike me, he actually NEEDED the classes. Aiden doesn't play anything, and he doesn't sing. He's a songwriter. Got good tunes, got no skills. Basically.

Rowell, Max's brother, plays the trumpet, of all things. Bryce's younger brother, Jacob, sings. He'll play guitar sometimes, but never electric, or with any amps. He says he sucks "too much to go rock star." as for Lucian, he's got this little motto: A lad without a voice is a lad done wasted. (He's Irish.) Now, Jack and Clyde Winstone, the "twins", they both sing. They have a little duet. And they both play guitars. As for everybody else, I don't know that. So, for now, your question has been answered.

Thanks for the email,

-Jason